Today, it is not difficult to see the children angry, crying, screaming with parents, with friends at home, at school, and even on the streets, in the supermarkets or in the parks. If the children cannot get what they want, they will immediately rumble out. If they are not allowed to go out, they become aggressive, break objects, or have all the acts of violence such as hitting their mother or responding to the parents’ refusal with extremely acrimonious words. Or, for example, when they get a bad mark at school, they insist on dropping out. When being scolded by parents, they appear furious, threaten to hurt themselves, commit suicide, or to leave home etc. Anger is how the children show their dissatisfaction with an act, a situation or it is caused by some internal or external factors.
Anger is the secondary emotion. The desperation of being rejected is disguised under the anger. For example, when they want to play video games but they are not allowed to. Anger is also the emotion shown to protect themselves from the feeling of inferiority. Or when being complained by the parents for bad results at school, the children, instead of thinking that they need to make greater efforts, they aggressively argue and respond to their parents. Anger can also be caused by the feeling of losing control. If the children feel that they have lost the ability to control what is going on, perhaps they will get mad or give up everything.
The fact that children, today, are often pampered to get everything they want makes them think that they have the power to control their parents. In order to have what they like while their parents disagree, they will use their tears to “control” the situation. If it does not work, they will fast for a few days to make their parents…fear. After the children succeed in their “tricks” for a few times, they will think that nothing is impossible. When their desires are not fulfilled, the anger can outburst.
Children’s anger is like a fire. It may burn out everything on its path such as the good feelings with their friends, the love for their teachers or parents. So the parents must help their children to control the anger so that no one has to feel sorry for what has happened.
Teaching children limits at early ages
Many parents think that children know nothing so they often pamper them when they are fussy, and by doing so, they won’t have to hear the children crying for several hours. It is the parents’ indulgence that makes the children always think that their parents must give them everything they want. As they grow up, they even ask for more. If their demands are not fulfilled, their behavior will be out of control. Therefore, from early ages, parents should say NO firmly and consistently help the children to learn their own limits.
For slightly older children, parents should be concerned about their children’s anger and practice with them how to avoid the outburst of sudden anger. Don’t reproach, revile or neglect them with their anger. You can apply the following ways to help your children to overcome the anger.
Help your children to recognize the signs of anger through the body signs
When the anger occurs, the children usually have rapid breathing, rapid heartbeat, trembling limbs, clenching teeth…Tell your children that those are the body signs showing that their wrath is reaching the peak, and about to explode violently. Now ask them to think about the traffic lights they see on the streets. As soon as they recognize those signs, it means that the traffic light is turning red. They need to stop all the feelings and behavior that you’re going to show. The step of recognizing the body signs is a rest before the anger becomes out of control.
Strategy to cool down the anger
When the children are angry, they will scream, curse, or say something offensive even to the people who are older than them. Remember that the anger is like a vacuum which sucks them in if they don’t stay away from it quickly. Thus, as soon as the body signs of anger appear, quickly cool down the anger. The strategies to cool down the anger vary from one child to another child. Some children will stay in their own room, lay their head on “the calm pillow”. Some children will take a deep breath. This way helps them to cool down the anger very quickly. Some children may ride their bicycles for about 10-15 minutes. Some children play with their collection of items which can make them feel relaxed whenever they are stressed. Overcoming the outburst is commendable. Remember to reward your children when they recognize the signs of anger and avoid the anger by sticking new stars on their children’s star tracking. Each time, the children can relax and overcome their anger, reward them with a new star).
You should also note that when your children are angry, don’t scold them. Accept their feelings. Talk to them with a sober, calm and warm voice, for example: ” I understand that you are bored because …” It is the parent’s sympathy which will be able to keep the children away from their anger faster.
Parents need to make a good example for their children
Parents are always a model of behavior for their children. It is said that the children is a copy of their parents’ manners. If you cannot control your behavior when you are angry, but curse, beat other people, or break the furniture, it is very difficult to ask your child to stay calm when something displeased happens to them. Therefore, parents should try to control their emotions and behavior even when you are angry if you do not want your children to imitate your bad behavior.
If you still find it difficult to help your children to control their emotions, defuse their anger, contact with professionals to help them to learn how to control their emotions by themselves, prevent them from using their aggression as the only solution for all difficulties in life.